Someone Isn’t Getting Any

I take my shoes off
I take my shirt off
The girls who like me start their screaming
I dive in the lake
I swim deep down there
That ghost who stalks me blows bubbles in my direction

Why do I have to be so freaking hot?
Why do all the girls want to have my babies?
Why do I have to be such a studly hero?
Why do all the girls want to have my babies?

I put my shirt on
I put my shoes on
The girls who stalk me sigh sadly

I quickly walk back
Towards the Durmstrang ship
The girls who like me will have to wait ’til morning

Why do I have to be so freaking hot?
Why do all the girls want to have my babies?
Why do I have to be such a studly hero?
Why do all the girls want to have my babies?

No matter where I go, it’s “Quidditch Star” this and “Handsome Beast” that
No matter what I do, no one respects me for my deep, brooding intellect…

Except Hermione.

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